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CONTACT US Word from the Head – 5 December 2025
Dear Parents,
Another busy week brings us to the brink of the holidays, and as it does so I have been reflecting this week on the communication gap: that moment where what we say is not what others hear. We’ve all experienced it, whether in parent-child relationships, in our own personal relationships, or at work. We intend to build bridges, but sometimes we accidentally put up walls of misunderstanding – and after 25 years of working in schools I know that the communication gap intensifies in the super-busy, emotionally charged last week of a school term. For teachers, staff and students alike, our normal filters are frayed by tiredness, the excitement and novelty of the end of term events and, for staff in particular, the knowledge that “it’s all got to be done” by the end of the week.
In this context a simple, rushed directive from a teacher to a tired student, or from one colleague to another, is almost guaranteed to be misinterpreted as a criticism or unfair demand. At home it’s no easier: busy parents navigating the demands of their own work, responsibilities and preparations for holiday celebrations are confronted every evening by overstimulated and exhausted children (many of whom are also delightfully hormonal adolescents). The whole situation is fraught with the potential for explosive misunderstandings.
There are a number of factors which influence how our intended message is received. Tone and language always trump words. In adult interactions, in particular, a perceived sarcastic tone or lack of eye contact can immediately nullify a positive statement. Saying anything to anyone whilst looking at your phone is a good example. However, this is often compounded by the listener’s state of mind. If they are already tired, stressed, feeling defensive or coping with personal issues, they are guaranteed to be listening to you through a filter of negative emotion and far more likely to hear criticism than anything constructive which might have been intended.
And of course the reverse is true. Sometimes what we say – or how we communicate it – isn’t about the current situation, but about our own underlying anxiety, exhaustion or insecurity. We snap because we’re overwhelmed, but the listener thinks the snapping is solely about the minor infraction they just committed. This is especially true in family dynamics, where old roles and patterns often resurface. Earlier in the week I was talking to peers from other schools about how we spend Christmas, and we agreed universally how odd it is that we revert immediately to our teenage selves the moment we are with our families.
Knowing why the communication gap exists is useful, but even more important is trying to avoid it in the future. Here, the power of the pause cannot be underestimated. We might try asking ourselves: What do I want to communicate right now? and then, Is my tone and choice of words supporting that?, followed by: What filter might my listener be using?.
If we do get it wrong, there is still room for manoeuvre as our listener’s emotional response pings back. A wise woman once said to me, “Respond, don’t react”. The power of the pause and a deep breath will often enable us to reframe our positive intent and, instead of ratcheting up the tension, provide a clear, warm filter through which the listener can receive our reply.
I know I have been guilty of falling into the communication gap this term and, as you may have guessed, this week’s Word from the Head could be considered part therapy and part apology for the way in which I have sometimes unintentionally got things wrong. Certainly I appreciate that closing the communication gap takes effort, but I also know that the reward is deeper connection, fewer misunderstandings and stronger relationships – all of which matter so much.
I wonder how much of this chimes with you and will look forward to seeing what lands in my inbox on Monday morning. Last week’s Word from the Head prompted quite a reaction, not least the sharing of this video from the Irish Department of Data Protection’s Pause Before You Post campaign: Pause Before You Post. Do watch – it goes right to the heart of Dr Kaitlyn Regehr’s message.
This week has seen the start of our winter celebrations, with the wonderful Reception Winter Performance on Wednesday and beautiful Junior School Christmas Celebration this afternoon. The Junior School enjoyed Christmas lunch – and Christmas jumpers – yesterday, whilst the festive home clothes have been out in force in the Senior School today. On Monday we have the Senior School Carol Concert at St Michael’s Church. A word of warning to those who are attending, the heating in the church is not working and guests are encouraged to dress warmly. Please do ensure your daughter has a coat with her too!
I have also been asked to share an administrative update this week: this term’s fee bills and all future fee bills will now be sent from feebilling@channing.co.uk. Please check that you have this address – and indeed all @channing.co.uk endings – in your safe senders list to ensure that nothing ends up in spam by mistake.
Finally this week, I am delighted to report that this year’s GCSE and A level results have placed us 45th nationally for independent schools in the 2026 The Times Parent Power League Tables published today. This is 19 places higher than last year. We are also placed 25th in London, which is a huge achievement. My congratulations and huge thanks to the students, staff and indeed parents for the hard work which contributed to this fantastic outcome.
With best wishes for the weekend,
Lindsey Hughes
Headmistress
